Proteksyon

***




















Sa mga pogi, I am offering a safe and memorable refuge.



Please.




Kailangan nyo ng proteksyon ko.




Lalo na ikaw....
























Daliiiii! Punta na sa balur.




Magtago tayo sa ilalim ng kumot.



Hihihi!



P.S. Binuhay mo lang ang chinito fantasy ko.



Char.


*******************


At para naman sa mga hindi ka-pogian.....



Pwede pa rin daw kayong tumambay sa inyong suking tindahan.



Hindi nila kayo a-anuhin.



Hayan, kayo na ang safe.



Choz!

Cooking With Chuni

*****


Aside from being pretty, marunong din akong magluto.



Char.



So, for today, I will make yabang about my cooking talent.



Since nasa balur akez ng payrents, ako ang designated cook.



Kaya our recipe for today is...


Ginataang Gulay

















Okey, to prepare this dish you will be needing the following...



Pers, one (1) DSLR Camera. Pwedeng Nikon, pwede ring Canon.



Kung walang DSLR camera, 'wag nang ipag-patuloy. 'Wag ka ng magluto.



Stop na.



Bumili na lang ng lutong ulam sa nearest karinderya.



Char.



Okey, heto na ang mga ingredients:

















1 stalk Sitaw, cut into 2 inches

2 Pcs. Eggplant, sliced diagonally

6 Pcs. Okra, sliced diagonally

3 Pcs. Gabi, cut into bite-size

2 Cups Kalabasa, cut into bite-size

3 Pcs. Chili Fingers, sliced

1 Pc. Siling Labuyo, sliced

1 Pc. Onion, sliced

1 Pc. Tomato, quartered

2 Cloves of Garlic, chopped

300 grams Liempo, cubed

1 Cup Coconut Milk

3 Tbsp. Bagoong Alamang

Salt & Pepper



Procedure:


1. Utusan ang housemaid na i-prepare ang ingredients. Kung walang housemaid, ikaw na ang gumawa.


2. Fry the liempo until golden brown. Remove excess oil. Pero 'wag gagamiting lubricant for future requirement ha.


3. Saute the garlic and onion. Isunod ang bagoong Alamang.


4. Gisahin kasama ang gabi at kalabasa. Lagyan ng konting tubig, takpan and let it simmer.


5. Kapag medyo malambot na ang gabi at kalabasa, ihalo ang iba pang gulay.


6. Ibuhos ang coconut milk. Huwag tatakpan dahil magpi-fade ang color ng green vegetables. Haluin occasionally.


7. Timplahan ng salt & pepper. Kung feel mong mag-add ng other flavor enhancers, bahala ka. Lutuin ng ilang minuto o hanggang sa half-cooked na ang mga green veggies.


8. Ipa-serve sa housemaid ora mismo with steamed rice. Again, kung walang maid, alam mo na ang gagawin mo. Chos!




Pero dahil lalabas na sa hospital si Mudak, syempre it calls for a celebration. Ang supposed to be 3 days nya sa hospital ay na-downgrade ng 2 days. So medyo nakatipid ang lolah nyo. Kaya naman nag-prepare na rin akez ng...


Baked Tortang Talong



















Pork & Egg Adobo



















At syempre, dahil nga sa celebration sa matagumpay at magastos nyang hospital vacation, mawawala ba ang....


















Teary-eyed si Madir.



Akala ko naman na-touch.



Madir: "Ano ba 'yan? Puro cholesterol! Papatayin mo ba ako?"



Me: "Ay, itong si Nanay talaga, makakalimutan ba kita? Etong sa 'yo...."























Chos!



*****

posted under , | 30 Comments

Nang Ma-Hospital si Nanay



*****

Hindi naman ako nagpa-alam.


At lalong hindi ako sumakabilang buhay.


Etchoserang frog ang nag SLN sa kin ha. 'Wag kang mag-alala 'teh, feel kong ikaw ang advance party ko para dyan. Yun nga lang baka di tayo mag meet sa langit. Char.


Kailangan ko lang talagang mag-hinay-hinay.


Anyway, i promise to blog naman kahit once a week.



Hindin ko kasi kayo mai-iwan.



Para tayong twins.



Ako si Richard, kayo si Raymond.



Ganyan.




****************************************************


Nasa office ako nung Friday ng mag text ang sister ko.



"Kuya, Nanay's BP shoots up. Nahihilo sya kanina pang umaga. Will bring her to the hospital."



Immediately, I left the office.



My Nanay is diabetic and suffers from hypertension. Twice a year, for the last 2 years, despite her maintenance medications, kailangan namin syang dalhin sa hospital because of these sudden 'attacks'.



Buti na lang may malapit na hospital sa bahay ng parents ko.



45 minutes by plane.



Char.



Nasa E.R. daw ang Nanay ko kasama ang father at sister ko.



Hindi muna ako lumapit.



Pumunta ako sa isang sulok at nag-emote.



Nag-isip ako ng mga bagay na malungkot.



Gaya ng Planax at Viagra.



Nang medyo teary-eyed na akez.



Nagtatakbo na ako sa loob ng E.R.



Lumuhod ako at humagulgol.



"NANAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"



Nurse: "Hu u?"



Me: "Anak ako ni Franceska Javier Suzara! Where she at?"



Nurse: "Ah, ober der!" Sabay turo sa kabilang side.



So, punta naman akez. Syempre hindi ko na inulit yung Vilma Santos acting ko.



Enter Jaclyn Jose.



Under acting ang peg.



Me: "Kamusta na sya?"



One teardrop.



Sister: "Stable na. Pero mataas pa rin ang B.P. nya. Hinihintay na lang namin ang result ng transthoracic interpretation of the electrical activity of the heart, as detected by electrodes attached to the outer surface of the skin and recorded by a device external to the body or otherwise known as E.C.G."




Pinahid ko ang formation ng dugo sa aking ilong gamit ang baby wipes at sinampal ko ng dalawang beses ang aking kafatid for making my nose bleed profusely.




Lumabas na ko ng E.R. 'coz I know ipagtatabuyan din akez. Kanina pa kasi itinuturo ng thunder na nurse yung sign na isa lang daw ang pwedeng kasama ng pasyente sa loob. Gusto ko syang issuehan ng post dated check para bilhin yung hospital at sisantihin sya agad. Kitang nag-e-emote pa ko eh.




Heniwey, nag-evaporate na rin akez. Hindi ko na binili yung hospital 'coz baka kapusin ang weekly budget ko. Char.



After one hour, Nanay was transferred to her room. I realized she was sharing the room with 5 other patients.



Me: "Bakit sa ward?"




Sister: "Wala na kasing available na private room. Dami daw silang patients today."




Pumunta ako ng reception. I don't want naman the Queen Motha to feel kawawa 'noh. I know she is looking forward pa naman na manood ng anniversary ng tv show ni Willie Revillame eh walang tv sa ward.




Me: "Miss, wala ba talagang available na private room?"




Receptionist: "Wala na po sir eh. Gusto nyo po ilalagay ko sa waiting list si Ma'am."



Nag-isip ako.




Kung palalagyan ko ng Annex yung hospital, mga 6 months pa 'yon matatapos. Haiiist.




Me: "Mahaba ba ang waiting list?"




Receptionist: "Wala pa po. Bali sya na po yung priority."




Me: "Sige, please."





Pagbalik ko, ayaw ng magpa-admit ng Nanay. Okey na daw sya. Uwi na daw kami. Feeling nya siguro tinitipid namin sha. Pero ayaw ng doctor nya. Kailangan syang i-monitor. 40/minute lang kasi ang heartbeat nya.




A little later, na-ilipat na sya sa private room.




May Cable TV. DVD. Maliit na kitchen na may ref. Private C.R. at receiving area. Parang ganyan lang...




















Ayun, okey na daw sya dun.




Makakapanood na daw sya ng Willing-Willie.




Haaayyyy. Gusto ko na 'ring magpa-confine.




Nag 200/minute ang heartbeat ko.




Anticipating the gastos.





Char.





I told Sister and Tatay to have dinner muna at ako muna ang magba-bantay kay Nanay.





Maya-maya dumating na yung Doktora ni Nanay.




Dra: "Kamusta po 'Nay?"




Nanay: "Medyo okey na Doktora. Hindi na ko nahihihilo, hindi gaya kanina."





Binigyan ng instruction ni Doktora si Nanay. Tsi-nek ang heartbeat.




50/minute.



Kinausap ako ni Doktora.




Dra: "Nag-i-improve naman po si Nanay, pero kailangan nya pa rin mag-stay dito."





Nanay: "Ay sya nga pala Doktora, 'yan ang panganay ko. Si Pepe. Binata pa 'yan."





Paksyet!!!! Ano itetch?!?





Natawa si Doktora.





Ako, nadu-duwal.





Hindi naman panget si Doktora. In fact, may angking gandah ang bilat. Pang semi-finalist ng Binibining Novaliches ang peg nya. 'Yun nga lang, hindi ako lesbiana 'noh.




Napaka-akward ng moment.




Nang biglang bumukas ang pinto.




Pumasok ang nurse. May dalang dextrose.





Napa-nganga ako.




Ang gwafu nya.




Ang tangos ng ilong.




Ang pungay ng mata.




Ang kifot ng labi.




At gusto kong sabihing...




"Nanay.... sya ang gusto ko."



Hihihi!




Char.

posted under , | 41 Comments

Slowdown

***




May mga kaganapan recently na hindi ko muna pwedeng banggitin.



At dahil sa kaganapang ito, hindi ko na magagawang mag-blog on a daily basis.




Pero lilinawin ko, wala itong kinalaman sa tsismis na malapit ng mag-expire ang aking matres at naghahabol na ako sa huling byahe.




Basta.




Kung may opportunity to update my blog as often as possible, gagawin ko. Pramis.




But for now, there are more pressing matters which I have to...... press. Char.




And just in case na hindi ko na talaga ma-fulfill ang aking duties & responsibilitites.




I am more than willing to relinquish my crown.




Ready na naman ang aking first runner-up to take over.




Mashadong matagal na syang naghihintay.





Remember her?
















Thank you.



Love you all.



Mwaaaaahhh!



:)

posted under | 37 Comments

Si Diomedes at ang Kanyang Etchoserang Ninang

Once upon a time, siguro mga 6 days ago, may isang beki na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Diomedes.




I know, the namesung is so chaka but Diomedes is far from being chaka.




Diomedes is actually cute, he is like your typical boylet-next-door. Aljur ang peg. Tall, dark and juicy just like that hotdog. Ganyan.




Hitsurang walang bahid.




In fact si Diomedes, kung hindi ka nya lalandiin, wits mo mano-knows na isa syang Celastrina Ladon Argiolus- isang paru-parong periwinkle ang peg.




Kaya naman nagagamit nya ang kanyang faux otoko character para ma-achieve ang kanyang wish list.




Ayun nga, umuwi ang beki sa kanyang humble abode somewhere in Evangelista, Makati na may close-up smile.





Dali-dali syang naupo sa tokador at kinuha ang kanyang 'little black book'.
























At sa isang pahina ng itim na libro, binasa nya ang mga nakasulat.




Baranggay Tanod........ check!




MMDA Traffic Enforcer...... check!




Security Guard............ check!




Pulis........ check!



Muli syang napangiti. Kinuha nya ang Angry Bird nyang ballpen na binili nya sa Divisoria the other day at sinulat....



Sundalo..... check!























































































































Isasarado na sana ng beki ang kanyang little black book ng walang anu-ano'y kumislap ng fink smoke at assorted sparkling glitters sa corner ng kanyang lavander room.



At nag-appear ang isang apparition....



Isang pamilyar na fez na naka sequined Bebe tank top at Forever 21 ankle ruffle leggings ang lumutang ng mag-fade away ang smoke.




Diomedes: "Ninang isdatchu?"



Ninang: "Yes, Diomedes, It's me, your fairy godmother whose 100 times prettier than you."



Diomedes: "Ganun? Anong sadya?"




Ninang: "Na-sixth sense ko kase na may bago kang entry sa iyong little black book."




Diomedes: "Ang talas naman ng pang-amoy. So what?"




Ninang: "So what ka dyan! Kailangang i-share mo sa akin ang contact details ng bago mong achievement."




Diomedes: "Haller! Anuvah! Hada ko 'to eh."




Ninang: "Gagah! So ganyan, madamot ka na? Teka relasyon ba 'yan? And by the way, do I have to remind you na noong curious-level ka pa at nasa experimentation stage, pinaubaya ko sa 'yo ang sought-after na puri ko- OVERNIGHT!!!"




Diomedes: "Eeeeewwww! Kailangan pa bang ipa-alala yan?"




Ninang: "Well, no naman. Kaya, daliii. I-share na ang contact details ng hada mong boylet."




At nakuha naman ng fairiest of them all na godmother ang booking ni Diomedes. Mag-e-evaporate na sana ang lolah ng bigla itong may na-alala. Nag quarter-back turn at nakipag fez to fez kay Diomedes.




Ninang: "And another thing Diomedes, hindi pa completed ang wishlist mo."



Tiningnan ni Diomedes ang listahan. May check na lahat ng entries, Baranggay Tanod, MMDA Traffic Enforcer, Pulis at yung pinaka-latest nga... Sundalo.




Diomedes: "And why is that Ninang?"




Ninang: "Ang Sandatahang Lakas ay binubuo ng Army, Navy at Air Force. Air Force pa lang ang na-achieve mo 'teh. So, kulang ka pah."




Napa-isip si Diomedes.




Tama ang kanyang Ninang.




At sya'y napangiti.






********


Subalit hindi 'rin na-achieve ng Ninang ang hada ni Diomedes.



Tinamaan kasi sya ng FLU.



Char.

Playlist

Nakaka-stress magkasakit.




Hindi ko magampanan yung mga duties ko.




Like maging magandah every hour on the hour.




Char.




Nagku-kulong lang ako sa room.




Emote-emote.





Cancelled lahat ng engagements.





Watch lang ng dibidi.





Natapos ko na nga lahat ng seasons ng Criminal Minds.





Pag-galing ko, pwede ko ng i-apply yung mga torture at murders na natutunan ko.





Chos!





But I feel much better now.





Nakatulong ang maraming tulog at maraming fluids.





'Tas may na-achieve din akez.





Gumawa ako ng bagong playlist sa iPod ko.




At tinawag ko syang The Coughing Diva Playlist.




Naka-loop lang sya so, paulit-ulit ko lang sya pinapatugtog.




Kaya 'yun muna ishi-share ko.





Ay, hindi pala ako marunong mag-embed ng music lang. So, Youtube na lang. hehehe!



First in my list is "My Body" by Young The Giant...




Gustong-gusto ko yung lyrics nya na...

My Body Tells Me No,
But I Won't Quit, Cause I Want More,



'Coz I DO want more. :)



Next is, "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes ft (Dakota King) Adam Levine





Syempre mawawala ba ang Inang Halimaw na si Lady Gaga? Love her "You and I" music video so much, gusto ko ng maging sha...





This one naman ay medyo may kalumaan na pero bet na bet ko pa rin. "Hello There" by The Freshmen ft Nio the gift







And ito naman, nagawan ko na ng dance choreography. Ipe-perform ko sya sa Christmas Party namin. Hihihi! "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People...






Numi-Nicki Minaj din akez kahit ubo dito, ubo doon with her song "Right Through Me"....






And last, "Lighters" by Bad Meets Evil (Royce da 5'9" (Bad) and Eminem (Evil) feat. Bruno Mars...




At may ganitey palang lyrics sa Lighters,

Life is wacky now
Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy
Now I'm just the cats meoww, ow
Classic now, always down for the catch weight like Pacquiao
Ya'll are doomed




Wala lang, na-mention lang. Hihihi!



At sa kanila muna umiikot ang mundo ko.




Paulit-ulit.




Memorized ko na nga.




At para magkaroon akez ng peace of mind....




Si Adoray ay nambo-boylet muna.




Impeyrness magaling pumili ang bilat....



















May karug ang papa.



Char.

posted under , | 19 Comments

Bumibidang Bagets

Sikat na sikat ngayon ang batang itey...






At ang nene, invited ng mag appear sa Ellen Degeneres show.



Haiiiissst.......



It definitely brings back memories, pre-pasador days ng inyong lolah....








:)

posted under | 16 Comments

Infected

****


May sakit ang lolah nyo.




Noh, hindi sya STD.




Tigang nga ako, remember?




Pero contagious sya.




I am down with the flu.

















Ang cute ng eyebrows 'noh?




Beking-beki.




At kung maka-buka ng lips.... perpect 'OH'! Chos!




Basta nagising na lang ako nung Sunday morning na ang bigat-bigat ng pakiramdam ko.




Para bang nag-planking lang ng sabay-sabay at hubo't-hubad sina Derek Ramsay, Dennis Trillo at Nilrax Decafe sa ibabaw ng mura kong katawan.




I'm sure magtatanong ang mga chismosa.




Sinetch si Nilrax Decafe?!?




A.) Isa ba syang uri ng gamot?


B.) Isa ba syang brand ng kape?


C.) Isa syang mortal na hunky papa na naka-schedule tumikim sa matamis, masikip at sariwang alindog ng nag-i-isang Dyosa/Virginal Beauty Queen?







Hihihi!




Well, your guess is as good as mine! :)




Uu, isa syang brand ng kape.




Etchos!




Okey gurls, meet Nilrax...



























The boylet is 20 years old and hails from the city of Bacolod.




Isa syang URCC Mix Martial Arts fighter. Alam nyo naman ang fetish ng lolah nyo.... Carino Brutal. Char.




At ang ring name lang ng barely legal na papa ay...... BARAKO!




Hodevah, nag flash back lang sa memory ko noong may piggery farm pa kami.




At bet kong magkaroon kaming dalawa ng ganitong eksena....


















...opkors in my California King Bed.




Chest to chest, nose to nose.... ang peg.




Hihihi!




At ang dialogue ko.... "Wag nyo na po akong saktan, ibibigay ko nah lahat-lahat! Take what was left of it! May 50% pah!"




Ganyan.




Ay naku, nag kilometric segway na naman ang lolah nyo.




So ayun nga, may-sakit akez.




Nilalagnat akez.




Inu-ubo.




Masakit ang aking lalamunan, hindi ako maka-lunok.




Kaya niluluwa ko muna for the meantime.




Chos!




Mapag-alaga naman si Adoray.




Noong sunod-sunod ang ubo ko, nadinig nya. Nagpasok ba naman ng isang timbang tubig.





Me: "Ano 'yan?"




Adoray: "Water madam?"




Me: "Bakeet? Para saan?"





Adoray: "Ang tindi ng ubo nyo, baka bumuga na kayo ng apoy. Masunog ang bahay."





Me: "Futah ka, ano ako dragon?"





Tapos nung hindi ako maka-kain ng lunch, tinanong nya ako.




Adoray: "Madam, gusto mo ng soup?"




So, magtutunaw sya ng Knorr cubes sa tasa, yun na ang soup.





Nung sinabi ko sa kanya na ang sakit ng mga joints at muscles ko...




Adoray: "Madam, gusto mo ng massage?"





'Tas I-a-abot nya sa akin itey....














I-massage ko daw ang sarili ko.




Buti na lang nanghihina ako at walang lakas.





Wala akong lakas para patayin ang bruha right then and there.




Pero kanina, nagwo-worry na daw talaga sya.




Tumawag na daw sya ng doctor. At hindi daw basta doctor, HUNKY doctor.





Uy, may silbi! Kinilig naman ako ng slayt.





Me: "Ang sweet mo naman Adoray, sinong doctor?"




Adoray: "Si Doc Ferds."




Me: "Sinong Doc Ferds?" Kinakabahan ako. Tingin ko may plano 'tong aswang na 'toh and it's gonna be ugly.




Adoray: "Yung machong doctor sa Survivor."




Ako namang si clueless, google agad..... impeyrness....

















And then I read his credentials.



"Futah ka talaga Adoray! Isa syang VETERINARIAN!!!"




***********


Public Service Announcement:


Sa mga relatives ni Adoray, sa October 15 po ang unang gabi ng lamay nya. Pero 'pag gumaling ako ng mas ma-aga, pwes, mas ma-aga rin syang paglalamayan.



Chos!


:)

posted under | 36 Comments

Boys Gone Wild

*****



StarStruck Avengers Vivo Ouano and Jeric Rizalado arrested in drug buy-bust operation
Nerisa Almo

Friday, October 7, 2011
12:33 PM




Starstruck Season 3 alumni Vivo Ouano and Jeric Rizalado were arrested by authorities in a drug buy-bust operation in an exclusive subdivision in Antipolo City last Wednesday night, October 5.

GMA News reported yesterday, October 6, that Vivo and Jeric were suspected to be drug sellers, along with three others identified as Charles Joseph Lacson, Jojo Pangilinan, and Joshua Cue.

The Anti-Illegal Drugs Special Operations Task Force (AIDSOTF) confiscated 527 capsules of Diazepam, "weight-reducing" Bangkok pills, and other illegal drugs, costing more than P15,000.

Also confiscated was a roll of dried marijuana leaves and a plastic tube with pipe.

The AIDSOTF also said it obtained from the suspects the marked money used in the operation, which amounted to P9,000.

The suspects, currently detained in the AIDSOTF office in Camp Crame, will be undergoing a series of drug tests.

They may also face legal charges for violation of the Comprehensive Dangerous Drugs Act of 2002.

Meanwhile, PEP.ph sent a text message to GMA Artist Center yesterday afternoon for an official statement on the issue.

There was no reply.

In a text message sent to 24 Oras last night, however, Vivo Ouano denied any participation in the selling of illegal drugs.


Source: Pep.ph



**************


Eh di syempre napag-ukulan ng atensyon ng lolah nyo itong si Vivo....


























Ay, bibong-bibo pala ang papah! Hihihi!....





















At tila nabilaukan ang inyong lingkod sa kanyang angking sustansya.... may angst! Hihihi!



















At aking napagtanto... isa itong pagkakataon upang maging charitable uli ang inyong lolah....




Syempre, knows naman nating lahat na kahit bilanggo ay may mga pangangailangan din, devah?




Kaya kung saan man sha nakakulong, ipag-bigay alam lang po sa akin.





Dahil ako na ang magpu-provide ng conjugal visits.




Monday-Friday, at any given time.





Negotiable ang weekends. Hihihi!





Yes, i will try my best to accommodate him in my tight schedule.





And yes uli, ganyan ka charitable ang inyong lolah.



Char.

posted under | 24 Comments

40 + Forbidden Questions (Last Part)

************

Ay, sorry for the delay. Dapat kanina pa itey, napuyat lang ang lolah nyo. Tinanghali ng gising. Heto lumalafang na sa Burger King (Trinoma) upang i-post itey. Hihihi!




To read Part 1, click HERE.











************


Question No. 23: “Have you been in a threesome?”

Ms. Chuniverse: “Yes.”

Follow-up Question: “Foursome?”











Ms. Chuniverse: “Even more. Pero impeyrnes, hindi naman ako yung nag organize 'noh. So, ibig sabihin non makati lang to the highest level yung organizer. Hahaha! And by da way, I was aktwali an unwilling participant. Chos!”





*************


Question No. 24 “How many, if you can still count them, have you slept with?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “If I can still count them? Ano akala mo sa akin, pokpok???? Pero sorry, gaya ng aking soft and silky hair, I cannot count them. Hindi ako magaling sa Math!”






**************

Question No. 25. “Have you ever had an indecent proposal?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “How indecent ba is indecent? I have high tolerance kasi for indecencies eh. Char.”


Follow-up Question: “Yung mga may material things in exchange of… you know.”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Ah, nung bata ako, inalok ako ng bente."


Follow-up: "Pesos?"


Ms. Chuni: "Uu... imagine how indecent i can be for 20 pesos."






*************


Question No. 26: “When was the last time you watched or read a porn material?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Kasabay nung last time when I pleasured myself. About 30 minutes ago. Hihihi!”






*************

Question No. 27: “What will be your pornstar name and what will be the title of your first porn movie?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Siguro, Name: Pearly"


Movie Title: "Ang Perlas ni Pearly. Wala akong maisip eh. Di ko pinangarap maging bold actress. Chos."




***********

Voice Over: “Another phone in questions po, from Cristy Fermin.”


Cristy Fermin: “Anak, deretsahang usapan, hindi ka ba kinikilabutan sa title mo?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “First, hindi nyo po ako anak. Second, beauty-appropriate po ang title ko. Period.”



Cristy Fermin: “Etchoserang frog. Okey, handa ka bang iwanan ang pagba-blog sa ngalan ng pag-ibig?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Homaygash! I need an interpreter!!!”



Cristy Fermin: “Ambisyosa!”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Etchos lang ‘yon. Well, I believe that love and my blog can coexist BUT if I have to choose between the two, I will probably choose love because blogging can never fulfill my fundamental duty as a woman – which is to bear a child. I thank you. ”



Cristy Fermin: “Fuki moh! May matres ka?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Heto ang blank check. Pabili ako ng tatlo. Isan Fuschia, isang Fink at isang Furple. Keep the change!"



And just like Boy Abunda, Cristy Fermin walked-out!



Chos!





*************


Question No. 28: “Among bloggers, sino yung mga ina-idolize mo?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Ah... marami. Pero nene pa lang ako, binabasa ko na sila, si Mandaya Moore, si Bookie. Kaya lang nagbagong buhay na yata sila."



Follow-up: "Nagpaka-lalaki na sila?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Hinde. Nag-concentrate na lang yata sila sa lalaki. Ayaw na nilang mag-blog. Hihihi! Chos! "







************


Question No. 29: “Spit or Swallow?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Spallow. Spit some. Swallow some. Hihihi! Actually it depends.... siguro kung nasa kainitan na ng chorvahan at minura-mura ako tapos sinampal-sampal sa akin, tapos sinabihan ako ng 'LUNUKIN MO!'..... ayun, baka sakali. Hihihi!"






*************

Question No. 30. “Longest time when you were “doing it” with someone?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Three hours yata or more. Isinulit namin talaga yung oras sa SOGO. Continuous 'yon ha. Hihihi!”








*************

Question No. 31: “Shortest time?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “5 minutes. Nagmamadali, baka kasi dumating na yung tatay nya. Hahaha!”







*************

Question No. 32: “Last time you had sex with someone?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Three weeks ago. Yes, ako na ang tigang. Char.”





*************


Question No. 33: “Bad encounter with a fellow blogger?"



Ms. Chuniverse: “Wala naman. Pero gusto ko talagang maka-encounter ng blogger. Hahaha!"



Follow-up: "Have you ever pleasured yourself w/ thoughts of a blogger?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Uu naman. Hihihi!"







*************

Question No. 34: “What’s your favorite sex position?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Yung naka-nganga lang. Ganyan. Tapos nag-i-internet pa rin ako at the same time. Mahilig talaga kasi akong mag multi-task.”





*************


Question No. 35: “What’s ONE secret that you haven’t revealed to anyone but you’re willing to reveal here?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “This is hard. Okey, bakla po talaga ako. Choz! I ‘outed’ myself to a highschool crush last year thru chat. He is based abroad, married na and with kids. He said okey lang sa kanya and that he’s flattered ‘coz of all male classmates, sa kanya pa daw ako nagka-crush. Magkikita kami this month. Teka, secret ba ‘yon?”





*************

Question No. 36: “Im gonna name 5 names and give me the corresponding animal to each? And why?


Ms. Chuniverse: “Okey, hayufan na itey!”


Bookie Buquir - Panda Bear. Gusto ko syang i-hug and he is sooo mabait!



Mandaya Moore - Bubalus Mindorensis. Tamaraw for you and for me and the entire human race. Because just like the Tamaraw, Mandaya is fierce when cornered. Hodevah, ang tarush ng lolah!



Raindarwin aka Pilyo - Lion. Kasi parang ang strong nya at parang 97% ng iniisip nya eh sex (and who am I to complain? hahaha! chos!) and I think he wants his own pride. Pride of twinks. Ganyan. Hahaha!



Derek Ramsay - Crocodile. Magpapa-lafa ako sa kanya ng buhay. Hihihi! :)



Anne Curtis - Oo alam ko sasabihin nyo, Anne Curtis na naman!!! Kebs. Si Anne ay isang Flamingo. Sa Ancient Rome, Flamingos are considered a delicacy. Parang kaming dalawa lang. Chos.









************

Question No. 37: “Have you ever paid for sex?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Uu naman... hindi sa lahat ng oras makukuha mo sa gandah no. In certain occasions kailangan mong gumamit ng moolah."



Follow-up: "Magkano naman pinakamahal at pinaka-murang binayad mo?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Most expensive... cellphone ko. Tinangay nya. Pinaka-mura, isang 12oz na coke. Hihihi!"


Follow-up: "Ano yan in-kind pa rin? Yung pera ang binayad mo."



Ms. Chuniverse: "Okey, payn! P1,200 - may kasama pang 1.5 hours na massage, cheapest is P100.00."









*************

Question No. 38: “Have you had any plastic surgery?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Wala naman. Tunay talaga yang dede ko. Fink talaga yung nipples ko. Pindutin mo, perky devah? At ganyan talaga yung areola... malapad ang circumference. Kabigha-bighani ba?"



Follow-up: "Adik ka! Yung seryoso."



Ms. Chuniverse: "Seriously, I had 3 moles surgically removed from my fez ‘coz according to Feng Shui, malas daw. So ako naman, pinatanggal ko kay doktora. Yun lang. Tama naman sha. ‘Coz after that, nanalo nga akong Ms. Chuniverse. Hihihi!”







************


Question No. 39: “If you HAVE TO sleep with a fellow blogger, who would that be?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Do I have to talaga?”


Follow-up: “Yes you have to.”


Ms. Chuniverse: “If I REALLY HAVE TO ha (Napipilitan? Hahaha!), Siguro kay Iurico.”


At wala ng follow-up question. Hahaha!






**************


Question No. 40: “Kung magpapa GANG RAPE ka naman to fellow bloggers, kanino naman?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Ahhhh… gang rape talaga?”



Follow-up: “Opo. Parang kinilig ka. Yes, gang-rape. You can tap out naman if you don’t want to answer.”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Opkors not… I can do this.”



Follow-up: “So kanino.?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “O sige na nga…. Sa mga ENCANTOS. And I think there’s 20-something of them. At dapat maganap yan sa gym ni Papa Pilyo. Hihihi!"



Follow-up: "Lahat sila?"


Ms. Chuniverse: "Babawasan pa ba natin? Baka may magtampo! 'Wag na. Sila na lahat. Keri ko naman. Ang tanong dyan, keri ba nila?"



********



Now, I dare bloggers out there to answer the 40+ Forbidden Questions!


:)


Happy weekend!


Mwah!

40 + Forbidden Questions

Okey, trying hard ang lolah nyo mag 40 Forbidden Questions. Wishful thinking ang bruha na si Mo Twister mismo ang magtanong nitey. Pero since malabo yang magkatotoo, akez na ang nag initiate.

Hihihi!


O Zsa Zsa Padilla, lets begin.










*************

Question # 1. “How old were you when you lost your virginity?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “I am still a virgin. Okey, technically, gaya nga ng sinabi ko, a semi-virgin.”


Follow-up Question: “Can you elaborate on that?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “No, I cannot. Hindi pa ko nakaka-recover sa pain. Choz! Seriously, I had the first taste of sex at a very young age. I was 6. Period.”






********

Question # 2. “Worst thing done drunk?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “I was supposed to have sex with someone, kaya lang I got drunk nga, ayun I couldn’t perform. Haiiissst.”


Follow-up Question: “Baket sya naging ‘worst’?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Eh kasi he’s SUPER HOT eh and that’s my last night in that country.”





*********

Question # 3: “Have you slept with a fellow Blogger?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Nope. Not yet. Siguro before the year ends. Hihihi!”


Follow-up Question: “What about with a reader/follower.”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Malapit na. Siguro before the week ends. Hahaha! Chos!”






*********


Question # 4: “Have you ever cheated when you were in a relationship?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Yes, I did. Gumaganti kasi ako nung time na yon. He cheated on me kaya I cheated on him, not once but thrice. Syempre gaganti na rin lang ako, i-todo ko nah devah. Na-enjoy ko naman yung revenge stage. Choz!”






***********

Question # 5. “How far have you gone to check if your bf is cheating you?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Okey, it was from him na natutunan kong maki-alam ng phone ng may phone. Kasi I caught him several times making pakialam with my phone. So ayun, ginawa ko rin sa kanya. Dun ko din sya nahuli. At ang jologs lang ng kabit nya ha. Ni hindi ko magawang awayin.”







***********


Question # 6: “Girl crush, 1 local and 1 foreign celebrity.”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Anne Curtis – sa tingin ko, kaya nya talaga akong gawing straight. Hihihi! Sa foreign, si Candice Boucher, yung naging cover ng Playboy. Nagka girl crush talaga akez sa bilat na itey. Kung naging otoko lang akez, perfect nah!”

























Follow-up Question: “Nagbabasa ka ng Playboy?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Binabasa ba ‘yon? Hihihi! Choz!”








************


Question #7: “Last time you pleasured yourself?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Thirty minutes ago. Hawakan mo ang kamay ko, mainit-init pa. Hahaha! Choz!”







************


Voice Over: “Ah, excuse me. Mayron po tayong phone-in question from Kuya Boy Abunda.”



Boy Abunda: “Kung isa kang ulam, ano’ng klaseng ulam ka?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Chickenjoy.”



Boy Abunda: “Bakit Chickenjoy?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Dahil may sarap akong babalik-balikan. Hihihi!”



Adoray: “Excuse me Madam, isa kang Chowking Chinese-style Fried Chicken!”



Boy Abunda: “At bakit mo naman nasabi ‘yan Adoray?”



Adoray: “Kasi po, mahigit 2 million na ang nakatikim!”



Ms. Chuniverse: “That is not true. Futah ka Adoray! Umuwi ka ng bruha ka! Mag-plantsa ka, mag-laba ka, o kahit mag-finger ka, basta umuwi ka nah!”



Boy Abunda: “Okey, I have another question. Imagine I am holding my magic mirror. Nakaharap sya sa ‘yo. Ano ang itatanong mo?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Is it a Zadro LED Vanity Magnification Mirror or just an ordinary mirror?”



Boy Abunda: “Futah ka, kahit ano.”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Okey, cool ka lang kuya... I will ask myself.... 'Saan mo hinuhugot ang alindog moh?”



At nag-walkout ang Boy Abunda.







***************


Question No. 8: “Have you tried illegal drugs?”


Ms. Chuniverse: “Never. Illegal drugs affects our body and our brain. With a body and brain like mine, I don't think so.”


Char.




****************



Question No. 9. “What's the 7th message on your inbox, and who sent it?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “It was from Friendship and it says: “Hada with pay. 200. Sa susunod 100 ine-negotiate ko. Haha! Di ko nilunok. Nalasahan ko lang.” I know, it's kinda salaula. Hihihi!"







***************


Question No. 10: “Kissed in public?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Yes, pero ako ang hinalikan. I was caught by surprise. Kaya hindi ko nagamit yung tongue ko. Hihihi! Na-i-blog ko na ‘yon dati.”






**************


Question No. 11: “How many one-night stands did you have?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Sometimes kasi I do it ng naka-upo, naka-higa, naka-luhod, naka-tuwad, naka-upside down at naka-squat. Kaya, I lost count.”



Follow-up question: “That many?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Hinde ‘noh! Im just not that good with numbers. Choz!”







*************


Question No.12: “Craziest place you've done it with?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Kung si Friendship ay sa gilid ng naka-paradang jeepney…. and i heard muntik na sa public cemetery. Ako naman ay sa… park. – Greenbelt area. Bougainvillea section. Again, not once but.... Hahaha!”







*************


Question No.13: “Have you slept with anyone famous?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “I was very young then. Pero hindi naman sya ganun ka-famous. That time nakikita ko na sya sa TV. Recently, he appeared in several TV commercials. Meron syang dimples. Hihihi!”







*************


Question No. 14: “Do you have a sex tape out there? In YouTube? In X-Tube? Or naked pictures?”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Dati. Mga 4. Ganyan. Pero when I realized na dyu-join pala akez sa Binibining Pilipinas, binura ko na lahat. ☺ Pero may natira pa yatang isa. Yung tumatama yung ulo ko sa headboard ng bed.”


Char.




**************


Questions No.15-17. “Dude we all know you’re gay, so just admit it.”



Ms. Chuniverse: “Lahat ng followers ko.”




*************



Question No. 18: "Have you ever been intimate to a non-human?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Oo, pero gulay lang. Hahaha! Choz!"






*************


Question No. 19: "Went out with a married man?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Yes, I did."




****************




Question No. 20: "Worst thing done to a friend?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Binato ko ng stapler. Ngayon, hindi na kami friends. Hihihi!"








****************


Question No. 21: "Rate yourself as a kisser... 10 the highest."



Ms. Chuniverse: "10! Yes, i'm perfect sa part na yon. I think I am better up there than down there... Hihihi!"







**************


Question No. 22. "Among bloggers you know, sino gusto mong mag-threesome?"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Kasali ako?"



Follow-up: "Nope, you'll just watch."



Ms. Chuniverse: "Futah naman.... Baka magalit sila?"




Follow-up: "Gagah! Hypothetical question lang naman."



Ms. Chuniverse: "Pwedeng magsali ng straight blogger?"



Follow-up: "Futah.. OO!"



Ms. Chuniverse: "Okey, hypothetical lang ha. Si Aike, si Daddy Kuri at si Hot Bicycle. Hihihi!"




****************


Part 2.... soon! ;)

Broken Silence

**********



Hongdami ng nasabeh at nasulat dahil ditey...

























Now, I am breaking my silence to clarify things.




For the record, I don't really smoke.




And I only drink during social occasions like lamay, fiesta, exams. Ganyan.




And also, I DO NOT promote smoking. Everyone knows wiz ko type mag blow-blow noh. I don't enjoy putting things in my mouth other than food.




Char!




If I played a 'kabit" ba in a movie, does that mean na I am promoting na the queridas? 'Di naman devah? Gurls, you know me naman.




So please, stop using this issue to malign me. World peace nah!




Mashado na kong naha-hurt.




Oh, watch this vid na lang at humanda na kayong ma-tomboy sa sarap ng alindog ko...






Anyway, on a positive note, sa ranking yesterday na ipinalabas ng TopBlogs.Com.Ph....











Nakahabol naman akez sa aking kafatid...










Hodevah! Lagay na 'yun eh nag No. 22 pa.



Hahaha!



So, thanks everyone!



Mwahchupah!


























*************


Tomorrow: 40++ Forbidden Questions a la Ms. Chuniverse.


Char.

posted under , | 24 Comments

A Day In The Life Of Adoray

**********




One time, pauwi kami ni Adoray from SM North Edsa to my hometown....



Santorini.



















Etchos lang.





Anufah, eh di Bulacan.




Aba, parang punuan na ang mga bus.




So I'm sure we'll have to make tayo na lang 'coz its getting late na.




Me: "Adoracion, the bus is coming is it ok for you to make a standing ovation?"




Adoray: "Maygash Madam, sanay ako dyan."





Me: "Oh I see, kaya pala sinlaki ng daliri ko ang mga varicose veins mo. Nagawa mo pang mag-suot ng shorts."





Adoray: "Etchosera ka Madam. Remember, kabi-break lang namin ni Pando. In despair ako."





Me: "Ay, oo nga pala, I'm sorry."





Ang bruha may in despair pang nalalaman. Eh textmate lang naman nya si Pando. Nung nag-eyeball sila, after one month silang textmates, nag break na rin sila. Kasi ba naman, suka't bang ipakita ng bruha ang beynte nueve nyang balisong eh di syempre na-shokot ang boylet.





Hindi na sumagot ang bruha. Na offend yata.





Dumating ang bus. Sakay kami along with the other passengers.





True enough, tayuan na.





Haaayyy....





Buti na lang mga 2 days lang ang byahe.





Chos!






Pasok ako sa loob at tumayo.




Ang bruhang Adoray, hindi sumunod sa 'kin. Tumayo lang sa bungad, malapit sa driver.





Dumating ang konduktor mula sa likuran ko.




Sumigaw.





"OY, 'WAG KAYONG HUMARANG DYAN SA DAAN! MARAMI PANG SASAKAY SA MUNOZ! 'YUNG NAKA-PINK SHORTS, PASOK DITO!!!!"





Aba, hindi kumikilos ang Adoray. Eh sya lang naman ang naka MMDA-Pink shorts 'noh. Dedmahin ba si koya.





Inulit ni koya ang sigaw nya at hindi man lang nag-pasintabi na nagdi-drizzle na sa fez ko ang laway nya.





Nakikipagmatigasan pa rin ang Ferocious Adoray.





Ispluk uli ang tanders na konduktor. Buga uli ng laway sa fez ko. Teka, ano ba akala nya sa bunganga nya... Evian Skin Care Atomizer? Kalokah!




"MISS!!! PASOK KA SABEH DITO SABI SA LOOB!!! HINDI KA BA NAKAKARINIG?!?






At nag-turn around ang ulo ni Adoray. Parang si Linda Blair lang sa "The Exorcist". Nanlilisik din ang eyeballs.





















Adoray: "Ayoko dyan! Mai-ipit ang tiyan ko!!!"






Konduktor: "Bakit, buntis ka ba?!?"






Iniharap ni Adoray ang katawang loofah nya and with all her might ipinakita ang 10-year old nyang puson.





Adoray: "BAKIT? MUKHA BA 'TONG ABS?????"






Hindi na naka-dialogue si koya. Pati ako, hindi makakibo. Pigil na pigil ang aking tawa.






And right then and there....





Pinaupo si Adoray ng boylet sa tabi nya.






At talaga namang ang imfakta, kinabog ang wit ng lolah nya!





****

posted under | 29 Comments

Ano Ang Sinasabi Ng Larawan?

Watchathink?


posted under | 30 Comments
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