Ang Vonggang Vacay


Musta na mga beks!!!


Before anything else, i have a...


Special Announcement:

In the tradition of Ms. World, Ms. Earth, Ms. International and opkors Ms. Universe, updating of this blog will be made annually.

Lels!


*********


Recently, I went to visit my birthplace…

















And yes, all persons born in this place are  called… French.


Ano akala mo, Bitchesa?


Because it is located in the 19th arrondissement of Paris, France. 


Okay, I will not expound any further at baka pareho lang tayong ma-ligaw.


I spent a month in Europe and 10 days ang ginugol ko sa Paris. The moment our plane landed in Charles de Gaulle airport, I was Buonjour-ing everyone.


Buonjour dito, buonjour doon.


Syempre naman, konti lang ang baon kong French, I might as well use them.


Kalokah ang pila pagdating sa immigration.  Anghoooooobah.


Dalawang klase ang pila. EU citizens and others. 


Syempre, taas-noo akong pumila sa others.


Halos 20 minutes din ang pinila ko when it was my turn to approach the immigration officer.


“Buonjour Monsieur!” ang bati ko sa hindi ka-gwapuhang Frenchman.  Sabay abot ng passport.


Tumingin sya sa fez ko at sa passport ko.


Tapos tumingin uli sya sa fez ko. 


Poker face ang lolo.


Nabighani?


Sa aking alindog?


Hihihi!


Hindi ko naman sya masisisi. Devah?


“Are you a seaman?”  diretsong tanong nya.


Potah!


With my fully sequined purple scarf and curled lashes, na i-imbibe ko ba ang peg ng isang seaman?


Kalokah!


“No Monsieur. I am not.”  Sabay hawi ng bangs.


“So, what is the purpose of your visit?”


Magla-lako po ako ng biko, kutsinta at carioca pag weekdays at binatog naman pag weekends.


Obvious ba?


Syempre magla-lamyerda ang lolah.



Pero I have to be nice. Baka ma A to A (Airport to Airport) ang lolah.  Dahil hindi counted ang airport sa mga bansang pwede mong sabihing na-gorabels mo na. Charaught.



Me: “Thank you for that wonderful question,  Monsieur, I am here for a short vacation, because I firmly believe that Paris in particular is the center of art, fashion and culture.  And if you will give me the chance to cross the border, I promise you, I will be the best tourist this country will ever have. I, thank you."


Charlaught.



I was waiting for him to ask me the dreaded question….



“How much money do you have?”



Haller?



Enter Anne Curtis.  Sapian mo ako. Now na!


Lels.



Hindi ko alam kung na gets nya ang message ko, pero after wala na syang further question.  Dahil kung my further questions pa, I will be asking for an interpreter na.



And my interpreter of choice is no other than Miriam Defensor-Santiago.  Kung hindi pa ‘ko magwagi nyan, ewan ko na lang.



After getting my thumb print sa scanner at tatakan ang passport ko, pina gorla nya na ako. 



So I wave my fellow “OTHERS” citizens behind me goodbye.  Au revoir mga beks!!!



************


Visa Application.


Nung mag-apply ako ng Schengen visa, 30 days before my flight.



Ang procedure, tatawag ka sa French embassy to set an appointment.  PhP 32.00 per minute ang charge.  Para hindi ka kumain ng oras, you must be ready with your passport details as well as your vital statistics.


Char lang.


Within 5 minutes, naka-set na akez ng appointment.  Since hindi naman ka-busy-han ang embassy, naka pili ako ng Friday schedule. Umaga.



Sinabihan din ako na maghanda ng pang-paysung na equivalent sa EUR 60. Non-refundable, approved man o hindi.



Nag download na rin akez ng application form sa website nila pati na ng list of requirements.



Sa documentary requirements, need nila ng.

1.     Covering letter explaining purpose of your trip and DAY-TO-DAY itinerary.

2.     Certified True Copy ng Birth Certificate.

3.     Valid Passport and photocopy of valid and former visas

4.     Proof of accommodations

5.     Roundtrip flight booking

6.     International Travel Insurance with minimum coverage of EUR 30,000.00

7.     Proof of Employment

8.     Proof of Income (Bank Statement/Certification, ITR)

9.     Proof of virginity.  Etchos lang.



Nalokah lang ako sa day-to-day itinerary.  As in.  Kasi nga one-month akez. Pero dinetalye ko talaga. Pati shower at 9:00am.



May chika sa akin na dapat ang laman ng banko mo ay enough to cover your expenses sa number of days na stay sa Europe. Ang average daily budget daw, kung fully paid na ang accommodations mo at airfares/trains ay meron kang at least EUR 35 per day or nasa PhP 2,100.



So, dahil bayad na in advance ang accommodations ko at airfare ko, I need at least EUR 1,050 or PhP 63,000.00 in my bank account.  Kaya naman, binawasan ko ang laman ng bank account ko para mag level sa 63K. Hihihi. Charot lang.



To be safe,  six months before, pinondohan ko na talaga ang bank account ko.



I prepared 2 sets of requirements based sa list nila. One set of original and  another set na photocopy.


*****************


The day of the interview.


Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isusuot ko. Should I dress to impress or dapat casual lang?



I followed my instinct.



Nag bathing suit ako.



Sa Pacific Star building sa Makati ang French embassy. 8am ang interview. Pero I was advised to be there by 7:30 am.



Sabi ng guard ng building…. “Doon po muna kayo sa basement.”



Basement?



Baket basement? Ohmaygash, sabi ko na nga ba mapu-fulfill din yung bucket list ko na ma-gang rape with consent sa basement.



Charlaught.



Eh doon pala talaga ang waiting area. Sa basement parking area. 



Hindi ako na-inform na kailangan palang ma-pausukan ka muna sa mga nagdaraang carlalu.  Sana pala hindi na lang ako nag Bench Daily Scent cologne.



So I registered and met my fellow visa applicants.



13 kami.



Pang 13 ako.



Syet!



Yung ibang applicants naka-coat and tie pa. Yung iba naman parang mamimili lang sa Divisoria after ng interview.



10 minutes before 8am, pina-akyat na kami.



Pinaiwan ang mga cellphones at binigyan kami ng claim stub.



May advantage din pala pag huli ka.



Kasi nadidinig mo na yung mga questions at sagot ng mga applicants dahil maliit lang naman ang room at naka speaker pa.



Yung iba napapagalitan kasi hindi naka-ayos in chronological order ang mga requirements or walang photocopy.



Kalokah.



Buti na lang I came prepared. 



I brought with me our Xerox machine sa office.



Yung iba halatang hirap mag explain. Tinatanong kasi sila kung paano nila susuportahan yung pag stay nila sa France given their limited anda sa bank.



Meron namang iba na pinababalik hanggang 11:30am para mag submit ng proof of correspondence or something to that effect sa mga contacts/sponsors nila sa France.



Nung tinawag na ako…



“Candidate no. 13, Miss Chuniverse, please approach window number 2.”



Pinay ang interviewer.



Her: “What is your job?”



May angst ang lolah eh hindi rin naman kagandahan.



Me: “None of your business.”



Charot lang.



So sinabi ko naman sa kanya na I work as an ambassador of beauty – Hortaleza Vaciador Mandaluyong branch.



Her: “You will be spending 30 days touring Europe alone. Are you used to travelling alone?”



Me: “Pwede ka namang sumama. ‘teh.  Para may mag-picture naman sa 'kin. Basta KKB ha.”



Charot uli.



Matapos ang ilang tanong pa, pinaghintay nya ako dahil tatawagin daw uli ako.



After 5 minutes.



“Miss Chuniverse, please proceed to Window no. 5.  Please mind the gap.”



Hihihi!



This time, French consul na ang mag-i-interview.



Her: “Are you married or single?”



Me: “Single.”



Her: “Do you live alone?”



Ohmaygash, type nya ba akez? Lels.



Me: “Yes I do.”



Her: “How long have you been with your company.”



Me: “As long as I can remember.”



Her: “Do you know anyone from France?”



Me: “Is Jean-Claude Van Damme French?”



Her: “No. He is Belgian.”



Me: “In that case, the answer is no.”



Her: “Why? Do you know him?”



Me: “Opkors, who doesn’t know Jean-Claude Van Damme, the question here is if he knows me?”



Her: “Does he?”



Me: “Since he is not French, I’d rather answer that question with the Belgian embassy.”



Charaught.



Basically yung interview ay umiikot lang sa 2 bagay. Can you afford it at may balak ka pa bang bumalik.



5 days after the interview, I got my visa!



40 Days validity. Multiple entry.

***********



















So, did I enjoy my European sojourn?

















Mga beks, parang ayaw ko ng umuwi!!!!



Lels.





















Merry Christmas everyone!  See you next year!!!


Lels!!!

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