Moving On Redux


Jeric and I broke up.


I broke up with him.


But not because I don't love him anymore.  Things happened since the last time we were together.



Excuse me for I will not elaborate on those things.



*****************



When our heart gets broken, only us knows how deep or superficial the wound is.



Expressing our emotions through words may not be enough to represent how much (or less) pain and sorrow we are going through.



And moving on is inevitable.



Each one of us is different.  We are individuals with different coping mechanisms.



Most of us would probably take the traditional long process of 'grieving'. Which I did in my past (failed) relationships.  I questioned myself a million times why it ended and why it ended that way.



I remember persecuting myself for a year.



But this time I chose to take  the easy way out.



And many finds my decision or my process 'too soon'.  Some came up to the conclusion that it was probably not love after all.



To be honest, it doesn't bother me.  These opinions do not reflect what I have been through and what I am going through.



I am my own person.



But still, pardon me if some were offended when I chose to spare myself from the long and tedious process of a break-up.



That's just how I wish to move on.



No more drama. No more tears.



Dahil it doesn't necessarily mean na ang beauty queen.....



....ay isa ring drama queen.



Please, don't cry for me Argentina.



Chos.



Kaya let us all move on and be happy.



Peace..... Prosperity....... and Love for all mankind!



:)



Heniwey, vacation mode pa rin ang lolah.



















:)






posted under | 32 Comments

Ulan



Kailangan nyang lumayo...



.... para sa anak nya.



















Him: "Gusto kasi ni Mama doon muna ako.  Lumalaki kasi ang anak ko na wala ako."



Me: "Paano tayo?"



Him: "Tayo pa rin."



Me: "Hindi kasi ako naniniwala sa long distance relationship eh."



Him: "Ano gusto mo Pangga?"



Me: "Hindi ko alam."



Him: "Gusto mo na makipag-hiwalay sa 'kin?"




Me: "No. Hindi ganun."



Him: "Nahihirapan ako."



Me: "Ako din naman. Pero hindi ka dapat mamili. Syempre anak mo 'yon. Doon ka dapat."




Him: "Eh ikaw?"



Me: "Dito. Dito ang buhay ko eh."



Him: "Kung pwede lang sana.  Kaso, hindi ko pwedeng dalhin dito yung anak ko eh. Alam mo naman yon 'di ba?"



Me: "Alam ko 'yon."



Him: "Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin non eh, hindi na ko luluwas ng Maynila."



Me: "Pero hindi mo rin alam kung kailan."



Tahimik kaming dalawa.  Hinawakan nya ang kamay ko. Hinila nya ako para lumapit pa sa kanya.



Him: "Gusto ko tayo pa rin."



Hindi ko alam kung paano magwo-work yon.  Kasi never akong naniwala na magtatagal ang long distance relationship.  



The distance will make us grow apart.



Him: "Pangga?"



Me: "Sige, susubukan ko. Pero wala akong maipa-pangako."



Kasunod non, nakahiga lang kami. Nakatingin sa isa't-isa. Kinakabahan kung anong bukas ang naghihintay para sa aming dalawa.




Relationship Status:



Miss Chuniverse is in a Long Distance Relationship. 



....and she's struggling. 



Agad-agad?



Char.




posted under | 36 Comments

The Day After


Dumapa si Mahal sa aking tabi.



"Pagod ka na Mahal?"



Him: "Hindi naman, pahinga lang ng konti.  Anong oras na ba?"



Tiningnan ko ang cellphone ko.  3 missed calls, 12 unread text messages.



Me: "Mag a-ala-sais na Mahal."



Him: "Tapos na birthday mo Pangga."



Me: "Pero hindi pa tayo tapos. Hihihi."



Ngumiti sya sa akin at nagtanong "Ilan ba dapat Pangga?"




Me: "Syempre, kung ano yung age ko, ganun din dapat. Hihihi."



Him: "Naka-tatlo na tayo, so mga 47 pa?"



Me: "Gagu! Hahaha! Saka hindi naman kita pipilitin kung ayaw mo na 'noh."



Chos!



Him: "Hmmmm..... gusto mo pa ba?"



Me: "It depends...."



Him: "Saan?"




Me: "Kung kaya mo pa. Hahaha! Joke lang ha. Ano ka ba? Ano akala mo sa akin..... sabik?"




Him: "Gusto ko nga sabik ka sa 'kin lagi Pangga para di mo ko ipagpapalit. Pero pahinga muna tayo.  Gusto ko yung ganito, katabi kita, kayakap ka...."




At muli, hinawi ko ang 10inch bangs ko.



Char.



Tumingin ako sa bintana, malakas ang ulan at hangin.... hindi ko na halos maaninag ang mga bahay ng SanLo at ang mga sasakyang dumaraan sa Skyway.




Him: "Pangga, kantahan mo ko..."



Gumapang ang kamay ko sa katawan ni Mahal hanggang matagpuan ang pakay.  Dahan-dahan akong yumuko...



Him: "Hindi 'yan Pangga. Hahaha! Yung totoong kanta. Gusto ko kantahan mo ko hanggang maidlip ako."



Me: "Ah, 'yun ba? Hindi mo sinabi agad. Hihihi!  Anong kanta ba gusto mo?"



Him: "Bahala ka.... kung ano yung gusto mong kantahin para sa akin."



Me: "Ah, alam ko na!"



Him: "Ano?"



Me: "I don't wanna miss a thing!!!"



Him: "Huh? Mataas yon Pangga, baka di mo abot."



Me: "Haller!  Gusto mo chorus na agad?"



Him: "Iba na lang Pangga... yung medyo mababa dun."



Walang tiwala sa 'kin? Ganon? Hahaha!



Me: "Sige Mahal, lapit ka pa sa 'kin....


We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?





Hanggang napansin ko, nakatulog na nga si Mahal.



Hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Minasdan ko lang sya habang hinahagod ng mga daliri ko ang kanyang buhok.



Hindi ko alam kung ano ang ginawa ko to deserve him.



Pero grateful ako.



I promised myself, after my last relationship,  na if ever na ma-inlove ako ulit, I will never give it all.



At tuwing magkasama kami ni Pangga, naka mental note na sa 'kin 'yon.  And I don't know if I am being unfair.



I know there is no such thing as 'forever'.



A part of me is anxious and nervous but another part is excited and hopeful.  And I can only hope na tumagal kami beyond the 'shelf-life' that some people imposed on our relationship.



Kebs na muna sa mga unbelievers.



For now, let me just enjoy this moment.



Let me fall and forget what the future hold for us.









:)


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