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Nakilala ko sya thru internet- sa isang heterosexual yahoo group ng mga singles.
May isang topic na pinagdi-diskusyunan ang mga members and I couldn’t help myself giving my opinion on the subject. Hindi ko alam na nagustuhan nya pala ang sinabi ko. He commended my response. And then he started encouraging me na to give my views sa ilang topic pa na napag-uusapan sa group.
Until one day he asked me if he could add me sa Friendster.
I said yes.
That was the first time I saw Robin’s picture.
Napa-hinga ako ng malalim. With a face and a body like that, how can he be single?
Eventually he asked for my number and I willingly gave it to him.
Mula sa “Hi!” and “Hello!”, nagsimula na rin syang manga-musta.
Nadagdagan ng mga “good mornings” and “good nights” until we reach the random “ingat ka.”, “sleep tight” stage.
Oo, kinikilig ako sa text nya. I was actually hoping na ang bawat text na natatanggap ko is from him.
I admit na nagugustuhan ko na sya. Sino ba naman ang hindi? I was assuming for more but I know that it is impossible. He is very good looking, younger and… straight.
Nag mental note talaga ako sa sarili ko non, para lang ibalik ko sa lupa ang nagle-levitate kong diwa.
“Friendly lang sya. Hindi sya papatol sa ‘yo, gumising ka.” Sabi ko sa sarili ko.
I decided not to initiate anything. Laging sya ang una. Until one time, he asked me if we could meet. He said may problem sya and he thinks I can help him by giving my advice.
I was very hesitant.
He said he value my opinion.
I said he can just tell me whatever his problems were and I’ll just give my advice.
But he was persistent. And he said he sees nothing wrong to meet him and sabi pa nya…
“Don’t you think it’s about time?”
How long have I known this guy? Four months.
I was not prepared for a meet-up. Pano kung mataranta ako pag kaharap ko na s’ya? Paano kung wala akong masabi? Paano kung mag-mukha akong tanga?
He never gave me an option.
“I’ll see you in Figaro at the Podium next Friday. 8pm.”
Punta ba ‘ko or should I just stood him up? But why am I acting like this? I realized I am being pathetic. This guy is being friendly and is so nice to me and why would I let my feelings screw it up?
I was at the Podium 7:30. Di masyadong excited. Nag-ubos oras na lang ako browsing at Gourdo’s.
At 7:45 he sent another message.
“I’m at the corner table, al fresco area.”
He never even bothered to describe what he was wearing. How presumptuous he is naman to think na I will immediately recognize him.
I went down anyway. I was walking towards the coffee shop and there he is.
Tama pala s’ya. How can I not recognize him? With a smile so wide and his rugged handsome look.. he is just… perfect.
He offered his hand and I shook it.
He was firm with his handshake and then he taps my shoulder with the other hand.
“Hello! Finally.”
I just smiled back and responded with a nod.
“Let me take your order first, I will get myself a Macchiato. What can I offer you?”
I was about to get my wallet and he said…
“No. This is my treat. Don’t you dare. Hehehe!”
Me: “I’ll just have a cup of cappuccino.”
Robin: “Is that all? Anything to eat?”
Me: “Nah. I’m ok, I’m still full.”
I was lying. I haven’t eaten breakfast nor lunch because I was dying in anticipation. I can feel nangangatog na ang tuhod ko sa gutom. Stupid me. Dapat kumain muna ako before meeting him.
I followed him with my eyes. He caught me looking and he smiled and waved back.
I know I will end up doing something stupid, which will eventually mess up this date… I meant meet-up.
He returned with our coffees in hand.
Robin: “Here’s your cappuccino.”
Me: “Oh… thanks ha.”
Robin: “Nah… I owe you more than that.”
Huh?
Me: “So, what is this problem of yours na you want to confide with me?”
Robin: “Ah… that one. I need your honest opinion kasi.”
Me: “What about?”
At ngumiti sya. His eyes smiled as well. He was obviously feigning a sad face.
My hand starts trembling. I think I was about to spill my coffee.
Robin: “Nothing.”
Me: “Huh? Ano nga?”
Robin: “Wala nga. I just made it up. I know naman na you will not waste your time meeting me up. Para naman kasing wala kang plan to see me. Kaya I made some lame excuse na lang para magkita tayo. Hehehe!”
Me: “You’re just kidding me right?”
Robin: “Oh no… wala talaga. Sensya na. Hehehe!”
I don’t know what took over me. Nasabi ko na lang…
Me: “A-hole.”
Robin: “What?”
Me: “Wala. Hehehe!”
Robin: “I heard you kaya. Sorry na nga po.”
Me: “Ok, now you really owe me more than just a cup of coffee.”
Robin: “Hahaha! Look at you. Now you’re loosening up.”
Am I that obvious na sobrang tense ako sa harap nya?
Robin and I just clicked at that moment. He did most of the talking though. He told me details about his life. S’ya daw ang panganay. Tatlo silang magkakapatid. He even shared some personal details. That time I felt I know him ng matagal na matagal na.
Robin: “So, it’s way past your bedtime na.”
11:00 PM? Friday night?
Me: “Hahaha! Baka ikaw.”
Robin: “Kung ako lang, I’d rather spend more time with you.”
Me: “Bakit naman?”
Robin: “Kasi I feel so comfortable with you. I feel like I can trust you with my life.”
Me: “Wow, ang lalim non ha.”
Robin: “Yeah. Bakit, ikaw, you don’t trust me ba?”
Me: “Of course I do. Sasama ba ako sa ‘yo kung hindi? Hehehe!”
Robin: “Seriously?”
Me: “Seriously!”
Robin: “You wanna go home na?”
Me: “Ok lang ako. Wala naman akong gagawin eh.”
Robin: “Gusto mo sumama sa ‘kin?”
Me: “Saan naman?”
Robin: “Sa Antipolo.”
Me: “Hahaha! Ang layo non ha. Anong meron sa Antipolo?”
Robin: “Basta.”
Sinundan ko sya hanggang parking. Isip ko, may kotse. Rich kid nga. Pero wala pala. Better than what I expected. Naka-motorcycle sya.
Robin: “I-suot mo ‘tong isang helmet, then kapit ka sa ‘kin.”
Hmmm… he came prepared with two helmets.
Me: “Marunong ka ba talaga? ‘Wag mong iba-bangga ha. Ibaba mo muna ako before mo ibangga.”
Robin: “Hahaha! Nakakarami ka na sa ‘kin ha. Wait ka lang pag ako ang dumiskarte.”
I don’t know if he was trying to impress me pero sobrang bilis nya magpatakbo. We were overtaking cars, trucks and pati na yung mga jeepneys. I was practically hugging him from behind. Though I fear na baka mabangga kami, I was just so happy to be this close to him.
Until he slowed down when we reached this place called Valley Golf. He parked his motorcycle and we went up to the hillside. Tapos naupo kami.
Robin: “Nalula ka no? Hehehe!”
Me: “Gago ka kasi. Ang bilis mo magpatakbo.”
Robin: “Hahaha! Sinasadya ko ‘yon.”
Me: “Bakit? Nagpapakamatay ka?”
Robin: “Nope. Para yumakap ka…”
Tama ba ang nadinig ko? Nahiya akong tanungin sya ulit.
Robin: “Alam mo, favorite spot ko ‘to.”
Sobrang ganda ng view sa kinauupuan namin. Parang dagat ng ilaw na nagmumula sa mga buildings at bahay ang nasa ibaba. Sa taas naman ay maliwanag din ang mga bituin.
Me: “Oo nga, ang ganda. Pano mo naman na-discover ‘to?’
Robin: “Wala lang. Nag-rebelde kasi ako dati sa amin. Sumakay lang ako ng motor ko at nag-drive. Walang direksyon. Dito ako napadpad. Kaya everytime na kailangan ko mag-isa, dito ako pumupunta.”
Me: “Dapat pala hindi mo ‘ko sinama. Istorbo ako. Hehehe!”
Robin: “Gusto talaga kita isama dito. Gusto ko makita mo ‘to na kasama mo ako.”
Me: “Uy… senti ka na ah. Ok ka lang ba?”
Robin: “Oo naman. Happy ako. Sobrang happy.”
Me: “Ah buti naman. At least tanggalin ko na yung worry ko na tatalon ka dyan sa bangin at ako ang maiiwang witness. Hehehe!”
Robin: “Hindi ko gagawin ‘yon. Ikaw, happy ka ba?”
Me: “Oo naman.”
Robin: “Happy ka ba na kasama mo ako?”
Me: “Oo naman.”
Robin: “Pwede ba akong humiling?”
Me: “Ano ‘yon.”
Tumayo sya. Tapos, umupo sa harap ko at kinuha ang kamay ko.
Robin: “Pwede ba, akin ka na lang?”
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasagutin ang tanong nya. Parang hindi ako makahinga. I was practically gasping for air. Para akong maiiyak.
Me: “Bakit ako?”
Robin: “Bakit naman hindi ikaw?”
Me: “Robin, ngayon lang tayo nagkita. Ngayon lang tayo nagka-usap ng ganito. Hindi tayo magkakilala talaga.”
Robin: “Hindi naman biglaan ‘to. Nararamdaman ko na ‘to ilang buwan na. I’m in love na with you. I look forward to each time na magti-text tayo, magcha-chat. Because I know then na you think of me. And I can also feel na you care for me.”
And that is exactly how I feel for him. Pinigil ko talaga ma-iyak. Niyakap ko lang sya ng mahigpit. Sobrang higpit. Parang ayaw ko na syang pakawalan.
Robin: “Ibig sabihin ba nyan… ‘tayo na’?”
Me: “Yes…”
And we shared our first kiss.
Nothing can top that moment in my life. If I can freeze the moment and hold everything in standstill, I will do it in a heartbeat.
Simula ‘yon ng walang katumbas na araw-araw na ligaya. Robin made me feel na he truly loves me. He was very affectionate.
I vividly remember nung minsang nanood kami ng movie sa Glorietta. Paglabas namin ng theater, hinawakan nya ang kamay ko. I was surprised. Hindi ako sanay sa PDA. Pero hindi nya binitawan ang kamay ko. Everybody is looking at us. Pero he never let go.
“I am proud to be your boyfriend.” Sabi nya sabay ngiti.
Nawala ang takot ko. I was ready to announce to the world na I’m in love and that I am in love with this guy. I don’t care anymore kung makasalubong namin ang mga officemates ko or a former classmate or whoever.
And I thought that was it.
He kissed me when the taxi stopped in front of us. A short but very intimate kiss. We said our goodbyes. Pero nanatili syang nakatayo at kumakaway habang palayo ang taxi.
Our relationship strengthens as the days passed. We made plans. Major plans for the future. We even thought of getting married in Baguio – when the flowers are in full bloom. We thought of saving up and buy a piece of property in Antipolo and settle there for good. And more crazy ideas.
He treated me with extra-ordinary care. He spends more than I do pag lumalabas kami. Sya daw kasi ang lalaki. Hehehe!
Hanggang mag-paalam sya na mag-a-abroad sya. Ayoko sana. But I don’t want to prevent him from pursuing his dreams. He was supposed to established himself there and then I will follow. I am ready to give up everything just for him.
I dreaded the day when he left. Mag-isa akong naghatid sa kanya sa airport. We spent his last three days together. Kami lang.
We cried together on our last night.
I never let him know my fears. Na baka hindi mag-workout ang long-distance relationship namin. Na baka makalimutan nya ako. At kung ano-ano pa…
He made me promise na hihintayin ko sya.
Nangako ako.
Technology somehow alleviates the sadness. We regularly send e-mails and text messages to each other. Unti-unti nababawasan ang takot ko.
Until one day…
“I’m sorry, I did something terrible. You will hate me for this. For now, just try to forget me. I will be out of your life for good. I am so sorry.”
Sinubukan kong tawagan sya pero he was not answering my calls. I sent text messages to him asking for an explanation but I got none. I e-mailed him but he never responded. Not even once.
My relationship with Robin lasted for nine months.
I was devastated when it happened. How can our relationship fail? Alam kong ginawa ko ang lahat para ‘to mag work-out. The most tragic of all, I was left hanging – with no idea why it ended that way.
To say that I was mad is an understatement.
I was very furious.
I want blood.
I need an answer.
And the answer I was waiting for came in too late.
One year after. I have fully recovered.
“I hope this is still your number. I’m here for a vacation. I know you’re still mad at me but I need to see you.”
I know it’s from him. Though I already deleted his number.
“Who is this please?”
He responded. “It’s me, Robin.”
I really thought I have fully recovered. Mali pala ako. Parang kahapon lang naganap ang lahat. Ngayon heto na naman sya.
Me: “What for?”
Robin: “I owe you an explanation.”
Me: “And what made you think na I’m still interested to hear your side?”
Robin: “I beg you, please?”
How dare you get back into my life again after ginawa mo kong tanga? Gusto ko syang sumbatan. In fact gusto ko syang murahin. Gusto ko syang sapakin.
I texted him back.
“Figaro at the Podium, 8pm.”
Just like the first time, I don’t think I am prepared to meet him. But I decided to go. He was there ahead of me. He aged so much, I said to myself. And he looks very tired.
He motioned me to take the seat in front of him.
Robin: “Kamusta ka na? You're looking good. Pero teka… I’ll get us something to drink. You’ll have the usual, right?”
Alam pa rin nya.
Me: “Don’t bother. Sandali lang naman tayo. I have to meet some friends after this.”
Sumimangot sya. Ramdam ko na parang nagtampo sya.
Me: “Ok, let’s go down to business. Ano na pag-uusapan natin?”
Robin: “Aren’t you going to ask me any questions?”
Me: “I already did, one year ago. I sent you e-mails, text messages. I even called you. Pero sinagot mo ba?”
Robin: “I was hoping we could do this sa Valley Golf, remember?”
Me: “Nope. Di na pwede. The last time I went there, it’s covered na with fence. They’re constructing a condo yata.”
Robin: “Nagpupunta ka pa ‘ron?”
Me: “Yup, dati. Pag naiisip kita. Pag naghahanap ako ng sagot.”
Robin: “Im so sorry.”
Me: “You said sorry too many times. Now I want to know what happened. You never gave me the decency to know why you dumped me just like that.”
Hindi sya makatingin sa akin ng diretso.
Robin: “Nag-asawa kasi ako… marriage for convenience. I have no other choice.”
Me: “Of course you do. But you chose the easy way out.”
Robin: “Sorry na please. My conscience is killing me. I know I hurt you so much. That is why I’m here.”
Me: “Do you love her?”
Robin: “Pero hindi gaya ng pagmamahal ko sa ‘yo. I still feel the same way for you.”
Me: “Mahal ka nya?”
He nodded his head. And then he showed me a picture of her... and their baby.
That’s enough. I need not torture myself further.
Me: “You know how much I love you. You have no idea how much pain you’ve caused me. Sana sinabi mo sa ‘kin to nung time na naghahanap ako ng sagot. Sobrang sakit ng ginawa mo Robin...”
Robin: “I was too afraid to tell you then.”
Me: “The moment you chose to marry her, were done. You already have a family. Sila na ang buhay mo ngayon. Ako, sarili ko lang iisipin ko. I’ll get over this.”
Robin: “But…”
Me: “Tama na Robin…”
It was the last time I saw him. I told Robin that it should be the last time na mag-u-usap kami. I have forgiven him. But I know I can never forget him.
It was the best relationship so far and the most painful as well.
I am thankful though to have experienced the love Robin and I shared.
You Lost Me
Christina Aguillera
I am done, smoking gun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
She has won, now it's no fun
We've lost it all, the love is gone
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
And we tried, oh how we cried
We lost ourselves, the love has died
And though we tried you can't deny
We're left as shells, we lost the fight
And we had magic
And this is tragic
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
Now I know you're sorry and we were sweet
But you chose lust when you deceived me
And you'll regret it, but it's too late
How can I ever trust you again?
I feel like our world's been infected
And somehow you left me neglected
We've found our lives been changed
Babe, you lost me
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