26 Things I Hate About BJ

I wrote this piece years ago for a former jowa on his 26^th birthday. Share ko lang sa mga ka-feathers.

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26 THINGS I HATE ABOUT BJ

1. I hate your name –BJ. Well, I must admit, I liked it when we were not lovers yet but now… I cannot stand it. Lalo na pag nadidinig ko ang mga female at gay friends mo calling you Papa BJ!!!

2. I hate your semikalbo head because you look like a bum, a thug. (Now I am sporting a skinhead. Hehehe)

3. I hate you when you play with your lips and tease me with that `halik kuhol'.

4. I hate your cellphone! A 3210? Where have you been? And you have the nerve to say that it's the next best thing to analog mobile phones! FYI, That's technology half a decade too late.

5. I hate your eyes. Their big… and so round, and it penetrates through my soul. Nagi-guilty tuloy ako everytime I did something ‘bad’. You’re stare is so Zoolander - you're favorite movie. Ang babaw mo.

6. I hate your arms and your legs, they are too hairy. They reminded me of `LUCY' the evolution's missing link!

7. I hate your favorite song… "Because of You" and every time you sing it like there’s no tomorrow, complete with facial expressions and hand gestures. It's like you're doing an impression of a man suffering from a severe case of diarrhea.

8. I hate you when you say you hate my favorite song… "Seasons of Love". Why? What's wrong with that? Palibhasa wala kang alam sa Broadway musicals! You're so…. JOLOGS!!!

9. I hate you're perfume, VERSACE BLUE JEANS! How many times have I told you to change it? Try Lacoste or Hugo or kahit AXE na lang...for the love of God just CHANGE IT!!! That's my ex's favorite perfume too… and he dumped me!

10. I hate you when you perform that macho dancing ‘skills’ of yours in front of our friends! Although you're good at it, para kang professional MD and it gives me the creeps!

11. I hate you when you're late sa dates natin and will give me that "don't-start-with-me" look. Pero pag ako ang na late, kulang na lang isumbat mo sa akin ang bawat segundong pinaghintay mo. Kasalanan ko ba `yon eh mag set ka ba naman ng date dyan sa inyo sa Makati and you know that I live in Bulacan! You're so unfair! (I, now live in Makati.)

12. I hate you when you came to our date one time at baligtad ang t-shirt mo. Hindi mo nahalata o eng-eng ka lang talaga? Wala bang salamin sa inyo?

13. And I hate you more ng hubarin mo ang t-shirt mo at baligtarin in front of those screaming gays! Hindi ka man lang pumunta ng comfort room. You are such a tease.

14. I hate your jeans na butas-butas. Oo alam kong Girbaud yan, SO??? Feeling ko you're just trying to show-off at sinadya mo ang mga butas. Next time na isuot mo pa yan, I swear… iiwanan kita… kaya wag mo na lang isuot uli… pleaseeee!!!!

15. I hate you when you talk about my love handles as if their the most important thing in the world. For your information, baby fats yan and it will disappear as I mature. Dalagita pa ‘ko noh.

16. I hate you when you asked me to go with you in the Loveapallooza kissing marathon, tapos you gave me a smack! Worst…sa CHEEKS!!!! Yun lang? I was expecting a wet one.. tongue and all….

17. I hate you when you asked me to cook adobo for you. I was so excited then to make yabang with my cooking skills. Tapos when you saw the pizza commercial on tv, bigla kang nagpa-deliver. For your information, the following day, buong araw ang ulam ko – ADOBO!!! Adobo flakes for breakfast, adobo toppings for lunch at adobo sa gata for dinner! I have to make variations coz nagsasawa na ako sa adobo.

18. I hate you when you would always order a pounder burger tapos di mo naman mauubos, and I'm left with your leftovers. Ano ako Nanay mo?

19. I hate you everytime na you stare at me while I'm sleeping. I caught you several times pero deny ka pa. Natatakot ako. Baka kung ano gawin mo sa akin! Psycho moment. Hahaha!

20. I hate you when you insisted that we sit in the front row of the whale show at the Ocean Park. I told you we'll get wet. Hindi ka nakinig. At nangyari na nga ang dambuhalang splash ng balyena. We ended up buying those expensive souvenir shirts para lang hindi tayo umuwing basang-basa

21. I hate you when you took my pictures in China with your analog camera. Kalahati, ng mga pictures ng ma develop, either kalahati lang ang ulo ko or putol ang ulo ko. You're such a lousy photographer! Buti na lang I brought my digicam. ;p

22. I hate you when I asked you to take me out to see Andrea Bocelli's concert. Yes, we did go BUT you bought the tickets for the farthest seats. We were practically hobnobbing with the rafters of Araneta Coliseum.

I know I spent the night complaining all the time because I could barely see Bocelli! You're reason… HE IS BLIND ANYWAY… for crying out loud… I am NOT!!!!

23. I hate you when you brought me to Jollibee on my birthday. Ang hirap lunukin ng chickenjoy thinking iyon lang ang treat mo sa akin. Ano ako, batang paslit? Inis na inis ako habang kumakain tayo pero ikaw naman enjoy na enjoy. Totoo, muntik na akong mag walkout noon. Kasi naman you should have told me na you save the money pala for our Baguio trip. Hihihi!